The definitive tier list of writing utensils
Joshua Boulet, Features and Entertainment Editor
Some may argue that different writing utensils all have good uses and their strengths and weaknesses. The pencil and crayon have long and storied history, pens have evolved over time and markers seem to be in a category of their own. But I say, they’re wrong. There is absolutely a writing utensil that reigns supreme.
For clarity, a utensil is defined by Mariam Webster as, “an implement, instrument, or vessel used in a household and especially a kitchen.” In this case, a writing utensil would be any utensil that can be used to write.
Fountain pen
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Fountain pens are the picture of grace and elegance. Yet, there is a dark side. Fountain pens are the oldest form of pens but being a part of history isn’t to their advantage. The first known fountain pen is from 1702. What else happened in the 18th century? Great Britain manifesting their destiny in North America.
There is clearly a correlation between these two events, so how could anyone support the fountain pen as a valid writing utensil?
Marker
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The marker is possibly the most dangerous writing utensil out there. Sure, it seems innocent, but get sharpie on clothes and it may never come out. This guide says to use hair spray, rubbing alcohol or milk.
What kind of horrible writing utensil requires you to douse your favorite pair of jeans in milk to get it out?
The marker.
Having said that, the marker does have its uses. The ability to write on paper or fabric can be useful for some. But the marker must be used with delicacy and care. A single mistake might mean that it’s milk time.
Crayon
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Crayons feel like they are in a different category but can definitely be put in the category of writing utensils. Crayons, really, are mostly useless for adults. They produce inconsistent writing and cannot even be erased. The colors are nice, but any user is left asking “why?”
Well the reason the Crayon is above marker is the secret usefulness: the crayon is a powerful communication tool. If someone hands an adult a crayon, no words are needed to explain the meaning: a brutal burn. It may seem childish or simple, but there is no doubt of the effectiveness of insulting someone with a crayon.
Mechanical Pencil
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Mechanical pencils take up the same space as No. 2 pencils but manage to be worse in most attributes. The led isn’t durable, lacks consistency and can’t be sharpened for consistency. The only way to get more lead is by buying more and shoving it in the pencil.
The clicking action is fun but clicking too many times means that too much lead is sticking out of the pencil. Not ideal in the slightest.
Dry Erase marker
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The dry erase marker is a paradox. Whiteboards have trouble erasing sometimes and dry erase markers have trouble erasing if left too long. And yet, the dry erase marker has unmatched utility.
Sure, whiteboards may suck. But the ability to write large text quickly and also be erased quickly is too useful to ignore.
No. 2 Pencil
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No. 2 pencils are the cream of the crop of utensils. Yet, are they really as good as they seem? Erasing is great, but sharpening pencils is anything but fun. Every time a pencil is used, the sharpness decreases.
Nobody wants a page of notes that slowly gets worse and worse until the pencil is sharpened, and the quality is back up to normal.
Some seem to disagree with this sentiment. Two North Greenville University business students, Kobe Morton and Gabby Cuellar, both agreed that the No. 2 pencil is the best writing utensil.
The pencil also has a beautifully designed website. Clearly the people who love pencils put much passion into making sure they are presented with all the care they need. Thus, pencil takes the number 2 spot on this list.
Pens
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Technically, no writing utensil is perfect. But if a utensil was to come closest to perfection, it would be the modern pen. Quick to write with, quick to dry and unmatched consistency.
What do people write signatures in? They write them in pen.
What is used to fill out important information? Pens.
What is worn on the ear of the stereotypical trench coat-wearing journalist? A pen.
“With the lack of erase-ability, (sic) the pen shows you’re not afraid.” Zach Hoffmeister said, an accounting major at NGU.
The world is a scary place in these trying times. The president of the United States left many people unpaid when he was a businessman, and the two candidates running against him look like fossils. But the pen shows that even when all is in chaos, you’re not afraid.
